Thursday, October 2, 2008
Ok, I admit it...I am super anxious right now!!
Allow me to explain. My father who is in his 70's, is a double amputee with heart problems has now developed unexpained breathing problems as well. He is taken care of soley by my mother, who is only a year younger than he. Since I live on another continent, I have been unable to help out. Well, I speak to my mom a couple of weeks ago, and things sound dire...he is NOT doing well...and now I am running scared. I have always had guilt about leaving them and being this far away, but it is awful when either of them are ill. Now hear this...I am a HUGE daddy's girl, and love my mama as well, so this really hurts my heart! Anyhow, so after a mini consultation with my brother and husband, I decided that it is time for me to step up and go over there to help out. Dammit, it is high time.
Herein lies the problem...what about the kids?! My husband is a (and I quote Cedric the Entertainer on this one) "grown a** man, dog", and can see to himself. Do I take the kids? What about C's school? S is alomst 2...can he be without his mama? Well, after much soul searching it is clear to me that I would be zero help to my mom if I brought them along. Rational, yes...emotional, yes sirreebob! Once the decision was made and logistics worked out as well as reinforecements called in (my husbands parents who-God love 'em- are coming in from their FL vacation), I am sorted.
But am I at peace?-Faaaaarrr from it. I am anxious. Not that they will not be ok...they are with their father, for Pete's sake! He will play Mr Mom for a week before his parents fly in. But that I will be ok...I am already missing them all. Ish...I feel slightly sick at the thought.
So, pray for me. I am thrilled that I am given the chance to bless my parents with this visit...one-on-one time we have not had in 7 years, but I am so anxious about leaving my family for a MONTH.
Thanks for letting me vent.
-Buffy-
On the other hand, my dad passed away and I was not even there for his funeral. For many of the reasons I blame my mom (have to blame someone), but the thing is they kept secret from me how bad his condition was, and when he went to hospital I thought it was only for check ups and stuff. When he died it took me by surprise and to this day I will not forgive myself for something. It is just overwhelming. Often times I hear that question about what would you do if you had one day to spend with someone who is gone or you admire. Well, I know for sure that I would spend that day with my dad, and all I would do is hug him and hold him as hard as I could for the whole day, just because I was not there when he was sick, and I was not able to take care of him. So, be at ease my friend, you have an opportunity of a life time to give that man a big 'ol hug and just hold him, no matter if he outlives us all. Kids will wait for you when you come back, and we will check up on them occasionally:-).